Somethings That Should Never Be Forgotten
by AshlynDecia
Summary: Waking up in the middle of blood and smoke, Lily couldn't remember who she was. Two men come crashing in acting like this was any other day. They quickly realize that something is not quite right and they begin piecing together the puzzle of what happened to her memories.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Her senses lit up in a flash. Cold, rough concrete rubbed against her cheek and the bare skin on her knees. A sour, sharp tang permeated the air, so thick it filled her mouth as she sucked in a panicked breath. Eyes flinging open, she saw cobwebs and dust caked atop the long forgotten debris of an old warehouse. A few seconds passed before she realized there was a cacophony of shouts, shots, and slams coming from the floor beneath her ear.

Scrabbling to a quick sitting position, she backed away from the middle of the room until she hit the wall. Looking around, she slowly tried to fill in the emptiness of her memories.

 _Where was she?  
_ _Why was she here?_

And most terrifying…

 _Who was she?_

Trying desperately to find any scrap the familiar, she realized that the noises she had heard when waking were coming closer. Definitely gun shots and bodies crashing into hard surfaces. And shouting. The same word. A name.

"Lily! LILY!"

It was the deep, hoarse voice of a man lined with frantic desperation.

BANG!

Another gunshot sounded, from just down the hall. They were close enough now that she could hear the sucking and squelching sounds the typically followed a blade. It did nothing to reassure her. She had no memories and seemed to have come to in the middle of some sort of battle.

Looking around frantically, she realized very soon that she may need to defend herself. It was only then that she noticed her appearance. Heavy black combat boots stained with mud and something that she chose not to name. Close fitting black pants made from a tough material full of straps and pockets. And holes; two separate gashes marked her left shin and right knee, blood crusted on the frayed fabric. A warm, roomy green plaid shirt hung on her shoulders and as she twisted to look closer at her torso, she saw the chest holster that strapped two pistols to her body, just over a dingy white tank top. She became aware of the coolness that seemed to be a blade secured to her back.

Without her consent, the panic and chemicals in her body lurched and she jerked to the side as she stomach emptied on the cold, dirty floor. Apparently whatever was going on, she seemed to be a part of it judging from her attire. Flashes of light and a sour smell filled the blank voids in her mind; _was that sulphur?_

SMASH!

Feet from her, the door crashed open sending dust and smoke swooshing into the room. Two men barreled out of the haze. One was tall with shaggy brown hair and curious eyes; carrying an ancient looking blade as well as a sawed off shotgun. The other had close cropped dirty blonde hair with intense, searching green eyes. He too carried a sawed off gun and a long, bloody machete. Within seconds, their eyes lighted on her crouched form against the wall.

"Lily!" the green eyed man rushed toward her with an apparent relief in his voice. She skittered away from her, not reassured that he knew her. Stopping short, he looked at her with questions in his eyes.

"Lil… what are you doing? Come on! This place is swarming," he said quickly looking towards the door as if he expected something vile to pour from the opening. The other man had been watching the door but he looked puzzled at her when she stayed on the floor, crouched like a cornered, wounded animal.

"Lily, are you okay?" he then asked with more softness than his counterpart. He kept his eyes on her, kind and questioning. Both men then exchanged loaded glances with one another that kept her right on edge. A huge explosion from the other end of the hallway slammed reality back into their faces. Ground shaking slightly, the two men made some quick decisions.

The shorter man quickly stowed his weapons into holsters around his person and moved quickly to her. His jaw set into an even harder line when she continued to flinch and crawl away quickly. With an unrelenting firmness that was laced with an intentional tenderness, he wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms to her side and scooping her legs up off the ground.

Terror continued to build in her and she thrashed wildly, feeling sharply the various cuts and bruises that were evidently scattered across her body. Within seconds, she realized how terribly weakly she was as her desperate attempts for freedom did little more than irritate the man.

"Lily. Lily, stop," he said softly with softness that suggested familiarity. The second time he said her name, she stilled, continuing to eye him with fear and suspicion. Hurtling toward the door, the two men headed at a breakneck pace down the hallway they had just come through. Despite herself, she looked around at the carnage. Bodies laid everywhere while the heads belonging to those bodies laid in other places. In between the corpses and severed heads, large pools of deep red blood spread across the floor.

She felt her stomach go cold again and little drops of icy sweat slid down her neck and lower back. Clearing the last few stairs, they emerged into the shadows of twilight in another few steps. Not slowing or stopping, they turned a few corners before skittering in the gravel near an old black Impala. The man carrying her jerked the driver door open and slid her into the middle seat while he scooted in next to her. Filling the other seat, the shaggy haired man slammed his passenger door shut while shouting, "DRIVE!"

Not needing to be told twice, the car roared to life and peeled out of the gravel lot spraying the night with bits of earth. Several minutes and miles of road passed between any one spoke. She sat there acutely aware of their proximity and her own anxiety induced trembling.

"Lily, what the hell?" it was the driver who broke the silence, looking concerned and just a little angry. Glancing from one man to another, she decided that she must be Lily and they were waiting for her to reply.

"I… I…" she stammered not sure what to say.

"Lily are you okay?" the other man asked. Deep concern ringed his hazel eyes as he stared deeply at her. She felt naked like all the layers of misery currently coating her had been striped away; it was unnerving to have someone look at you knowing more about you than you did.

"No," was all she could stammer, her voice breaking and moisture leaking from the corners of her eyes.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's fine. They didn't hurt you and we're fine," he replied soothingly, wrapping a warm, safe arm across her shoulder. Despite her lack of familiarity with anything going on, she felt safe; protected. After a few deep breaths, she tried to start talking.

"I… I… don't remember anything," she finished.

"Well, they must have smashed your head pretty hard at that bar. We caught up with them within the hour so," the driver started. Lily didn't move or make any comments so his voice died away.

"What's the last thing you remember?" the brown haired man asked.

"Nothing," she replied softly, barely more than a whisper.

"What?" the driver asked, now sounding alarmed.

"Nothing. I… I don't remember anything. Where we are, who I am, who you are," she whispered feeling guilty admitting that she had no memory of these two when they clearly seemed to know her well. Again they shared a heavy look. The arm cloaked over her shoulder stiffened a little, as if unsure that it was appropriate.

"It's okay."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It had been a long drive back to the bunker. They hadn't been planning on returning that night but the situation had forced a change. Grabbing their gear left in the musty little hotel room, they chucked it into the Impala and hit the highway more on edge and afraid than they had been before wiping that vamp nest out.

During the thirty minute drive back to the motel, they had carefully questioned and attempted to soothe an obviously terrified Lily. She had been snatched from the bar where they had been watching the vampires but Sam and Dean had figured that out quickly and tracked her down within a few hours.

It didn't seem like enough time for anything traumatic to happen. However, it became clear that her memory loss was authentic and profound- she kept forgetting her own name.

They had explained who she was; who they were; what they did as delicately as they could but even then they knew it must have sounded insane and deeply horrifying. Despite the panic she was feeling and the doubt that dripped off her heavier than sweat, the physical toll of the ordeal took hold and she eventually slumped against Dean and nodded off. Deep, sound sleep covered over, leaving her looking simple and peaceful.

"Sam," he whispered hoarsely, reassured that Lily just snuggled into his jacket a little deeper.

"Yeah," Sam mumbled softly looking sideways at his brother.

"Man, what are we going to do?" he asked as he glanced down at Lily.

"I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. They were just vampires; nothing unusual or weird about them. When we get home, I want to look her over if we can- see if there are any marks or sigils anywhere," Sam explained, looking carefully at what he could see of her.

"She seems pretty freaked out man, I don't know if she wants us anywhere near her," Dean said, the sight of her scurrying away from him still stinging in his mind.

"Well, she seems to be comfortable with you, at least on a subconscious level," Sam smiled as he watched Lily's sleeping hand clutch onto the loose leather jacket like it was holding her to reality. Dean shifted a little to put her head at a more comfortable angle on his shoulder. His heart fluttered a little when she reached her other hand over and rested it on his jeans. A gesture that had been done a thousand times but right now it meant more than it ever had.

"Besides, she still has her knife on her, so the silver would be burning her up if she were shifter," Dean added. Sam reached a long finger over and pulled at the collar of her shirt. There, just under the strap of her tank top, her anti-possession tattoo was complete and unbroken. Both brothers eyed it, knowing that put them even further in the dark.

Three hours later the sun was starting to creep over the horizon as Dean guided the old muscle car through the little winding driveway that led to the well-hidden garage door of the bunker. Pressing an olive green button clipped to the ashtray, a black door slid open. Grinding from the motor creaked over the roar of the engine, rousing the sleeping girl. Blinking blearily a few times, it took a moment before remembrance dawned on her along with a look of fear which made a fist clench around both men's stomachs.

"Hey, Lil. We're home," Sam said softly. She looked at the well-lit long garage lined with different types of vehicles and the odd gun strapped to the wall. Her eyes then slid down her appearance and she paled under the soft brown curls wreathing her face.

"Lily- how is your leg?" Dean asked, looking at the large gash across her knee that was crusted over with dried blood. Stretching her leg experimentally she winced at the first movement. Without asking, Dean turned and slid both arms under her easily, lifting her as delicately from the car as he could. Her body language was stiff and guarded.

Sam followed Dean through the door, into the kitchen and down the left hallway to the little bathroom that the brothers used to treat injuries. The counter was lined with sterile fluid, gauze and bandages as well as an assortment of gleaming clean instruments. Again, Lily squirmed tensely in his arms when she saw the room that must look threatening.

"We just want to patch you up," he murmured softly, trying to reassure her. She looked intently at his face, as if trying to see a picture when there was nothing but blank space. Even she caught the hard edge that set to his jaw as he bit back the hurt.

Bending to sit her carefully on the edge of the large bathtub, he squatted down and pulled at the laces on her boots, reddish mud cracking and drifting onto clean tile. Once free of the boots and socks, he attempted to roll up the hem of her pants. When she sucked in a sharp breath, he stopped. Pausing a moment, he then reached into his back pocket and flipped out a short blade. She gripped the edge of the tub, maybe she didn't even realize that she had. Choosing to ignore it, he quickly ran the blade up the side of her pants to the middle of her thigh and pulled the crusted fabric away from her swollen knee.

"This is a pretty wide gash. It'll heal better if I put a few stitches through it," Dean leveled a soft stare up at her. Already pale, she blinked a few times, Taking a deep breath she shut her eyes and nodded. Not wanting her to second guess him, he quickly gathered what he needed and set about cleaning and patching up her wound. A small sigh of relief escaped him when she didn't react to the holy water.

In that time, Sam joined them in the bathroom with a set of clean clothes that looked much too small for him.

"I grabbed you some clothes, Lil. Do you need help getting cleaned up?" it was a casual question they had asked a thousand times when they knew the other had been banged up pretty hard. But Lily didn't know that and it showed on her face. He quickly backpedaled and set the garments down before making a hasty exit.

"He didn't mean anything by it," Dean muttered without looking up from his task. "You're like a sister to him; have been for years," when Sam and Dean has explained who they were and what they did, they left out the details of their relationships. Hearing that you're a demon-killing, monster hunter was probably enough for the moment.

She seemed to think for a moment before speaking.

"So- we're not related?" she ventured. Despite himself, Dean smirked and shook his head.

"No- _we're_ not," he replied, tugging the last thread through her knee. She couldn't remember her own name but that hadn't changed the fact that she had one of the highest thresholds for pain that Dean had ever known. Little droplets of blood were creeping down her sterile leg from where he had just sewn seven stitches into her skin and she had barely flinched or tensed.

"Well, all patched up. I'll leave so you can clean up," as he stood he noticed that Sammy had grabbed his Zepplin t-shirt that Lily always slept in and he smiled. He was at the door when she spoke.

"Dean?" Turning he looked softly at her. She had shrugged off the dirty flannel and it laid in a heap on the ground. She had the holster and pistols in her hand; placing them uneasily on the floor faraway from her.

"Thank you… for patching me up… and, you know, saving my life," she smiled for the first time since they had found her in that nest. A real smile that made the freckles on her cheeks crinkles and her soft brown eyes glitter with light spots of yellow glinting like stars. He knew he flushed at the sight of it so he nodded, returning the smile and softly shutting the door.

"How is she?" Sam asked, handing him a beer as he walked into the kitchen. Twisting the top off he took a long drink.

"Not bad. Few stiches. I didn't see any burns or marks but I didn't - check," he finished lamely.

"We should call Cas," Sam said. Dean nodded and closed his eyes. Within a few seconds, there was a soft whooshing sound. Standing in their large clean kitchen was a slim, dark framed man in a clean suit and trenchcoat. He had a simple, innocent look on his face as he took in the road worn and heart sick look of the brothers.

"What happened?" he said in a thick gravelly voice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

She spent a long time peeling off layers she didn't remember putting on and cleaning away layers she wished weren't there. Once her hair was pounds lighter and a totally different shade of brown she finally toweled off and reached for the clean clothes. Plucking them carefully, she studied them like there were an interesting photo hoping that something about them would trigger something- _anything-_ to fill in the gaping void in her mind.

Without knowing why she bunched the old black band shirt up between her hands and pressed her face into the soft fabric. Breathing deeply, she took in the smell. Strong soap and an earthy mustiness that seemed to be laced with whiskey and apples. Nothing; no flashes or images but she felt deeply and completely safe like there were strong arms looped around her, blocking out everything scary or unpleasant.

 _Hunter._

Apparently she was very familiar with scary and unpleasant things like vampires and werewolves… _and demons_.

Once dressed, she soaked in her appearance. A simple frame; not thin but fit like she worked hard. Small lines decorated her arms in a few places as well as one small one on the side of her neck just below her ear. Her hair was a soft brown color and hung in big curls that were still dripping from the shower. Freckles smattered across her face and brown gold eyes, something like a feral cat's, glinted back at her.

How alien to feel like a visitor behind your own skin… Experimentally she slid her hands around the skin of her stomach, feeling one or two more thin lines that must be remnants of battles gone by just like the ones on her arms. Her stomach gurgled and squelched and she realized that she had no idea when she'd last eaten.

Still sliding her hands across her skin, she stopped when she reached the base of her spine. Tiny whorls and dots were raised in the skin across the base of her back. She ran her hand up as high as she could; a three inch wide trail ran as far as she could reach. Pulling her shirt up at the shoulders, she turned to see the skin in the mirror. Swirling and jutting out, symbols were scraped and carved into her flesh. They had obviously been there for a long time and ran clearly from the top of her pants to her hair line. Her stomach bubbled and sounded for all new reasons.

Opening the door, she poked her head into the hallway. Hearing voices she padded barefoot into the kitchen. Standing there were three men; two she recognized as the Sam and Dean that had rescued her. Another she didn't know spun around slowly and looked at her hard. He seemed to look at and through her at the same time; it was unnerving.

"Oh… hi," she said unsure whether she should stay.

"How's the leg?" Dean asked, setting his bottle down and walking toward her.

"Oh, fine," she said smiling. He smiled back and she felt her stomach tingle for an entirely different reason. "Ummm… I'm a little hungry," she said when no one else started talking.

The man that she didn't know suddenly disappeared, causing her to stagger back a few steps and stare panicked at the other two.

"Oh, right, Cas," was all Sam had time to say before he reappeared holding a large brown paper bag that smelled of grease and ketchup which made her stomach growl loudly.

Crumpling up the empty, greasy wrapper where her hamburger had been a few minutes ago, Lily looked at the three men sitting around the table. Although Castiel had initially scared her with his disappearing act, fitting in the fact that he was an angel hadn't been that difficult. After all, everything she knew was limited to something supernatural.

In the moments that he had disappeared, Castiel had gathered enough fast-food to feed them all to a more than comfortable point. Although not really hungry, Lily continued to drag the crispy remains of her french fries through the piles of salted ketchup, more to have something to do with her hands.

She still felt a little weird after Castiel had looked her over. Well, that was a bit of an exaggeration; he done nothing more than press two fingers firmly to her forehead but it had felt like long tendrils had looped through her inside and out. She had held her breath but released a disappointed sigh when he had opened his eyes and shook his head. He hadn't been able to discern anything about how or why she was in this condition.

They had then settled down to the silent, awkward meal that was now finished. Dean excused himself for a few minutes and returned to the quiet room. None of them knew what to do at this point so they all continued to sit there, each lost in their own thoughts before a slam on the door far across the library caused them all to jerk and jump sharply.

She watched Dean look at her, almost out of habit, before standing and moving purposefully across the dimly lit room, pulling his pistol from the waist of his jeans as he went. Heavy boots thudded up stairs before they heard the heavy metal door creak open. Fainting, giggling and the soft murmur of a woman's voice drifted into the kitchen. Without knowing why, a cold sliver of… _jealousy_ … slid into Lily's stomach. What was that about?

The feeling dissipated like a dream when a small young woman bopped into the kitchen. Sam rose quickly to greet her with a hug and Castiel ambled over awkwardly to follow suit. She was angular and thin with soft white skin and waves of dark auburn hair. She spoke in clipy, sarcastic sentences while her eyes flickered over to Lily more than once. When she had finished filling the boys in her most recent hunt that had involved a recently turned "werewolf with a Napoleon complex", she made her way over to the table.

Lily looked hard at this woman. There was something familiar about the shape of her eyes and the cadence in her voice. It made her heart race to think that anything seemed familiar. Then, like a light going off in a dark room a name popped up.

"Charlie?" she asked softly, not sure if that belonged to the woman in front of her. The genuine smile told her it did. Before she knew it, thin arms looped around her neck pulling her into a stronger hug than she expected.

"Your name is Charlie?" Lily confirmed. An eager nod confirmed it. "You…" Lily thought for a long hard second but nothing else seemed to surface. "I'm sorry - that's all I can remember." Feeling like a disappointment, Lily looked at her hands.

"Hey - that's a great start though! A name!" The woman spoke to her excitedly. She looked up at the boys who nodded smiling before she continued. "Allow me to monologue the rest for you. Charlie Bradbury. Novice hunter, although I would say I am close to leveling up," she paused and blasted a toothy smile that dripped childlike happiness, "We are cousins- although I just met you six years ago. I never knew that my mom had a sister- apparently she didn't either. But that is a story for another time. Point is, you're like a sister to me now. Welcome to our dysfunctional little family!" she finished with another glittering smile, looking back at the boys who were both wearing small smiles and at Castiel, who was still studying Lily with no reserve.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

He couldn't help but stare at her; the way she moved and way her face crinkled and smoothed in response to all the different things happening to her. The fact that she recognized Charlie had made him feel hopeful and a little uneasy. But he was soon able to breath a little easier. For the first time, he was thankful for Lily's memory loss- there was a lot he wanted her to remember before some things came back. A small selfish part of him hoped some memories never came back.

It had been risky calling Charlie; he knew that. Both women had tried to drown some of their shared memories more than once. But he had been desperate; the fact that not even Cas could figure out what was going on had set him on edge. Beside, Charlie seemed to bring more sunshine into the room no matter what was going on.

Shaking himself a little to snap from the reverie he had fallen into, he came in on the end of Charlie's story about how the werewolf job had ended. Sam was chuckling softly so he followed suit to stay in the mix. Even though she had slept in the car, Lily yawned and blinked heavily. He knew that had been enough.

"Well, Char, your room is the way you left it. Sammy and I here both need a shower and it looks like Lil could use some more sleep," he walked toward the table, scooping up the discarded wrappers and bottles, dumping them into the empty trashcan. Charlie and Sam both nodded and walked from the room, chatting like old friends.

Lily was still sitting at the table, looking uneasy. After a moment of waiting, it dawned on him that she didn't know where to go. He smiled at her and stuck his hand out beside him, gesturing for her to grab on. But in the moment that it had taken him to extend the arm, he realized that she had no reason to touch him. So, he changed cadence quickly, turning it into a waving gesture.

She nodded and rose, oblivious to his internal struggle. Coming up beside him, she walked a step or so behind him through the library and little hallways. Another thought struck him but it was too late to change course now and he sent up a quick prayer as he opened the door to his bedroom.

He chuckled a little as the door swung open. When they had left a few days ago, he knew there had been some empty bottles and dirty laundry on the floor. But that little prayer hadn't been in vain and Castiel had obvious angel-dusted the room, even leaving some fresh flowers on the nightstand. It was a little over kill, he thought.

"Here ya go, kid. I will be ugh… back down that hall, first room on the left if you need anything," he stepped against the door to allow her entrance into the room. His pulse quickened slightly when her shoulder brushed against his chest. Every instinct in his body wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around her, bury his face in her hair that smelled like soap and cinnamon. But he contented himself to soaking in the way she moved about the room.

She walked a slow circle around the room, running her fingers over the piles of books, across the handles of the guns, along the surfaces of the sparkling wood. She reached the bed and rubbed her palm across the pillow before picking it up slowly, crushing her face in it and breathing deeply. She pulled it away smiling and sat down on the mattress.

"Thank you, Dean," she said smiling as she brought her bare feet up onto the bed and tucked them under the covers. As she settled down into the blankets, he moved a few feet into the room. On top of the dresser was a small lamp. Instead of a shade it had a tall glass cylinder on the base where the light bulb was screwed in. Painted with swirls of green, purple and blue, when he clicked it on soft shadows of color blurred the edges of the room and low, almost silent hum played through the darkness.

After a few seconds, Lily stopped shifting and her breathing grew deep. Dean smiled despite himself and crept silently from the room, closing the door with a gentle click. Castiel was standing at the end of the hallway.

"Is she sleeping?" he asked with concern in his thick voice. Dean nodded as he veered toward the kitchen, thinking of grabbing something a little stronger than beer. He heard Castiel fall in step behind him. Clunking down an empty glass and reaching for the half-empty bottle of amber liquid, Dean poured himself a tall drink.

"What are we going to do, man?" he asked, eyeing the angel.

"I don't know Dean. It seems encouraging that she remembered Charlie. Maybe over time the rest will fill in," he said. Dean smirked. Maybe. But how long would it take? Would she remember everything? What if she didn't?

"You could just tell her, Dean," Cas said, with furrowed brows. Dean shook his head.

"Nah, man. Not that way. She is freaked enough- coming to in a purged vamp nest. We had to give her the dirty laundry first. I don't want her to remember that and… us," Dean took another long drink. He rubbed his calloused thumb along the edge of the silver ring on his left hand. He could still feel the smaller partner of that ring weighing down his pocket like a lead ball. It had been discarded in the alleyway behind the bar, their first clue to chase after her.

"You got no idea what did this to her?" Dean asked, brows together.

"No. I can't sense anything besides her. There's no wall or block or damage. Not even a trace of something else being there. She is perfectly untouched as far as I can sense," Cas explained.

"Except for the fact that her entire mind has been 86'ed," Dean chimed sarcastically.

"Yes," Cas added unneededly.

Dean lifted the glass and drained the remainder of the liquid before he clunked it back down on the countertop. Closing his eyes, he replayed the events of the last few days in his mind for the hundredth time. There had to be something; some clue or angle they had missed. But just as before, he came up with nothing. Stowing the bottle back on the shelf, he turned to his friend.

"Keep an eye on her Cas. I need a shower and shut eye- I'm about dead on my feet," he ground out, placing a firm hand on the angel's shoulder as he walked out of the kitchen leaving Castiel standing in the darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Sometimes all of time doesn't seem to be long enough. Castiel still found himself feeling irrationally helpless at times. This was one of those times. Nothing in his knowledge or experience could explain why her memory was suddenly gone. Time travel seemed like the next logical step but just the thought of the amount of energy it would take made him feel drained.

Continuing to think over all his knowledge, he walked into the library and sat down at the table. Just in front of him sat one of the boys laptops. He thought to himself for a moment before pulling it toward him and opening the lid. After pressing a few buttons, the screen glowed to life. Slowly, he started clicking keys, searching for information on memory loss.

 _Substance abuse… Stress… Sleep loss… Head injury_

Castiel was surprised to learn that there were so many things that could go wrong in the human body that could cause symptoms like the ones that Lily was experiencing. He had no idea what constituted "substance abuse" after watching Dean consume copious amounts of alcohol for years. As far as he knew, Lily didn't partake in any of the other chemicals in that list. Stress? How would you even measure the level of stress in her life? Sleep loss…

His head actually started to hurt trying to logically examine Lily's life, looking for things that may have caused her symptoms. For all intents and purposes, she should have been in this state years ago. After everything she had recovered from…

Castiel hadn't realized that he had clicked links and read website after website for hours on end. He heard a rustling at the end of the hall and a few minutes later a bleary eyed, pajama clad Sam ambled into the library. He blinked a few times when he saw Cas sitting at the table.

"Dude, not in common areas," he snapped as he ambled into the kitchen and began the noisy process of making coffee. Castiel sat confused for a few minutes before Sam returned carrying a steaming cup of black coffee.

"I have been researching memory loss," Cas stated. Sam raised his eyebrows in question.

"And?"

"It didn't help. It seems that there is quite a lot that can trigger memory loss and there is no correlation between the events and severity of the symptoms," Cas said, clicking the lid of the laptop closed. Sam took a few sips of the hot liquid before he spoke.

"I have been thinking about that. There is a lot of research online that can suggest a traumatic experience can trigger something like this. But I literally cannot fathom what would classify as an event traumatic enough," he cast a heavy glance on the angel before continuing, "especially for Lily."

Castiel nodded heavily. It was hard to forget what she had been through. She would have been better off dead than in the state that they had found her in all those years ago. And to be fair, the life she had lived with the boys since then was pretty dark. She, however, seemed to find purpose and joy in the work. Cas thought fondly of the way she used to laugh around the dinner table after a hunt. The ways her eyes would sparkle when they watched a movie that consumed her.

"Cas- did you hear me?" Sam snapped. Shaking his head, Castiel looked hard at the brother to show he had all of his attention. "I was wondering- do you think we should tell her more or let her fill it in?" he asked. Cas knew that Sam was thinking about how much his brother was hurting right now; it weighed heavily on his mind as well.

"I think that Dean wants her find out on her own… at least for now. I think that we should leave some of that information up to him," he added thoughtfully. Sam nodded. From the corner of the library they heard a shuffling noise draw closer. Seconds later a sock footed wild-haired Charlie stumbled up the steps. Before she could close the space between the steps and the table, Sam was up and back with an amber colored cup of coffee. He set it down in front of her carefully. Wrapping greedy hands around it, she took a long, slow sip before casting a deeply grateful smile towards the younger brother.

"You look better than last night," she chimed, noting Sam's cleaned and rested appearance. He smiled wrily in return. After downing a few more deep gulps of the sweet coffee, she spoke again.

"I think I am going to make breakfast," and she ambled off.

It was a few hours later, nearly 9:00, when Lily at last woke. By that time everyone was up and they had been discussing her at length. The conversation was not productive, looping back over the same details and ideas time and time again. When her bedroom door clicked shut behind her, they quickly changed the subject.

She looked rested and less nervous. Dean rose and grabbed her coffee and a stack of pancakes, meeting her at the table. She smiled at him gratefully, picking up her silverware and digging into her breakfast. A few long silent minutes passed as they watched her eat, not meaning to be rude but unable to hide their curiosity.

"I had a dream," she said, not looking up from the last few bites of breakfast on her plate. The already curious onlookers stiffened, waiting to hear what she said. Taking a long drink of the cooling coffee, she then started to speak. "Well, I guess it was a couple of dreams. I dream about a forest of really thick pine trees that all turned red and there was this river coming from a cave," even she couldn't miss the uncomfortable shifting around the table, "and then it shifted and there were bright flashing lights everywhere with loud music." She stopped talking but no one said anything. "That's… that's all," she added.

Thankfully Lily had her head tipped back, eyes closed as she polished off her drink. She didn't notice the heavy looks that passed around the table. The river running through the pine forest into a huge cave; that was where they had found her. Those were the memories that they each secretly hoped she would never remember.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Four days had passed since she had woken up in the nightmare. Everything since then had seemed unrealistically normal by comparison. Granted, she wasn't sure how normal any of this because she had literally nothing to compare it to. But she liked it. She was warm, safe and well-fed. She was clean and had plenty of company. There was a pinching nagging in the back of her mind that her life hadn't always been this way.

Slowly, things had become familiar. She still couldn't form any clear, finite memories but she started to remember where rooms were in the bunker. One morning she found her shoes all on her own. She could navigate the kitchen more easily than anyone else in the bunker. And she had felt a weird tension in a certain part of the library until she had shifted a few old books and uncovered her sketch book.

Full of pictures of dragons and fairies and sights that sparkled in a way nothing in this world seemed to, for hours her hand whipped across pages, pouring out images she had never seen until they appeared on the page. She had no idea where she learned to draw and where all this wonderful dreamscapes came from.

She realized that someone was watching her draw; she wasn't sure how long he had been standing there. Knowing who it was before she turned, she smiled when her suspicions were confirmed. Dean. He smiled back at her and then hastily retreated from the doorway off to somewhere else in the bunker.

Lily was tentatively trying to suss out her place and relationship with the bodies moving around the bunker. Everything around Sam was relaxed and open. They joked and goofed, became annoyed with one another and snapped and then things were fine. _Brother_ kept popping into her head every time he was around.

Her interactions with Charlie and Cas operated in much the same way. She seemed closer to Charlie, based on her behavior but she was still a little intimidated by the casual comfort that Charlie had in approaching everything. And with Cas; well, she knew no other angels but he seemed to function a little differently than the rest of them. But it just made her laugh, as it did everyone else.

Dean was an entirely different matter. Her stomach still felt tight around him and she knew that she had flushed and stumbled in her words around him more than once. And she had noticed him watching her from doorways and across the table. He did things for her, like clearing her dishes or opening things for her, that he didn't do for others.

Blinking hard a few times, unable to wipe the memory of those green eyes from her mind, she turned back to her sketches. After sitting for a few seconds, she couldn't get her hands moving and gave up. Setting the old pencils down, she started to thumb through the thick book, studying pages one by one.

Somewhere near the back of the book there was a pile of photos and clippings tucked in between two blank pages. She lifted them like they were small golden leaves that might crumple to dust in her hands. On top was a clipping that talked about three women that had been killed in some small town in Mississippi. Reading each word hungrily, she formed the story in her mind. _Bodies mangled… hearts missing…_ Werewolf popped into her mind. Huh, that was something.

She placed that article aside and read through three others that were folded into the sketch book. Again as she read a thought popped into her mind. Djinn. Werewolf. Witch. Nothing about those cases beyond what she read on the newsprint floated to the surface but she felt a thrum of hope that in reading the words, from somewhere she was able to make conjectures about the causes.

Flipping down the last clipping she noticed that the rest of the papers were photographs. She soaked them in with the same hungry eyes that she had the articles. She and Charlie smiled from the first one; she could tell they were both a few years younger and her hair was much shorter. They seemed happy. The next was Sam and Dean, leaning against the Impala with a lake behind them. It was a poetic picture that seemed to mark some important moment but she couldn't figure out what.

Slowly flipping through the rest she saw Sam, Dean, Castiel, and Charlie pop up again and again. There was another photo with a young, petite blonde woman that made her sad. Another with a bearded man in a trucker hat that also made her sad. She sat and looked at those longer than the rest; straining and reaching to figure out why she was sad.

But it was the last photo that held her attention the longest. When she had flipped to it, she had gently placed it on the blank pages of the sketchbook, afraid she would hurt it. The entire background of the photo was filled with roses of every color; she could smell them just from the picture. Beyond the greenery was a bright, brilliantly clear blue sky. Closing her eyes for a moment she felt wind mixing the smell of the roses and warm earth. In the foreground of the photo, there was a single leaf blocking the up right hand corner of the shot. Clearly this had been taken from a hidden location.

Just beyond that smudge of leaf, she stood wearing a teary eyed look of shock and joy. The wind had kicked up the edges of her blue flannel and pushed her curls away from her face. But her eyes slid over all this quickly to focus in on the man next to her. In the same denim jeans and leather jacket that he always wore, Dean was kneeling down holding up a small white box. His piercing green eyes were glistening and fastened on her, holding a heavy question.

Lily didn't know how long the photo held her attention but it had consumed her so completely that she didn't hear the footsteps behind her until Sam pressed a hand to her shoulder. Starting with a jump, she turned to look up at him and realized she had tear tracks running her face. Hastily wiping them away she reached for the precious shot.

"Sam… are we… is…" she tried to say. Sam just nodded, a heavy yet hopeful look in his eyes. She looked back at the photo; and broke. Little pieces of her heart fractured off for a hundred reasons. Obviously they had had a life full of memories that she didn't have. And it hurt. But as much as that hurt, she couldn't imagine the pain that Dean had been going through for the last week watching her from afar, waiting to be remembered. A whole new wave of misery flood her; the pain of loss, the guilt of hurting him.

Standing quickly, Lily took a few deep breaths, clutched the picture tight enough to crinkle the edges just a little, and rubbed her face hard with her empty hand. Throwing Sam a reassuring smile she walked past him, heading for the garage where she knew, although she didn't know why, Dean would be.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The light from the kitchen brightened the back corner of the garage, causing him to lean up from the engine that he was tinkering. He felt his heart hammer against his ribs when she stepped through the door, haloed by glow behind her. His pulse quickened a little more when he noticed her red face. Had she been crying?

He moved quickly to close the distance between them, catching sight of her bare feet. Somethings never change. She was looking hard at him like she was seeing him for the first time. Her eyes were glittering with tears dancing on the edges of her lashes. She seemed almost out of breath. Scanning her, looking for some clue as to what was going on, he noticed the paper in her hands. The scrawling handwriting on the back told him instantly what was on the other side of the white paper.

He froze, not sure what to do or say. Not sure what she was going to do or say. Every fiber of his being burned, waiting like he was balancing just over a deep pit.

"Dean," just his name sent shocks through him like electricity. There was something behind the way she said it but he wasn't sure what and he didn't want to hurt her. She moved like a child coming towards a Christmas tree; eyes all wonder and awe. Slowly with her empty hand extended, she touched his forearm, running her soft fingers up to his shoulder and then back down to his calloused hand. Firmly, she threaded her fingers through his, squeezing hard.

All the hesitance and restraint that he had been girding himself in for the last week broke like a dam. Clamping down on her hand, he let the wrench in his other hand fall to the concrete with a deafening clatter as he pulled her against him. His hand spread wide, covering the small of her back over the thin flannel she wore. Pressing his mouth to hers like she was his only hold on life, he kissed her. Consuming the smell and taste of her skin. Without hesitating for even the breath of a second, she gripped his sides and returned his kiss with hungry passion.

He didn't know how long they had stood, kissing like they never had, pressing against each other like they would fall off the edge of the world if either let go. But the flicker in the shadows at the corner of the garage caught his eye. Glancing up with a drunken expression he caught the sight of his three friends standing there each wearing an ecstatic, amused expression. Charlie had her hands clasped in front of her like she was watching puppies.

Lily turned, more to recapture his lips. Then she noticed the others standing there and she whipped her head back around, burying her face into his chest. He could feeling her giggling into him. Closing protective arms around her, he smiled as the other clowns in the door started to clap and whistle.


End file.
